Things My Pet Does That Would Be Super Weird If a Human Did Them

Let’s face it: our pets get away with the weirdest stuff. And we let them. Why? Because they’re cute, obviously. But if a human roommate did even ONE of these things… you’d be texting the group chat and looking for a new place ASAP. Let’s take a hilariously honest look at things pets do that would be downright unhinged if humans did them.

1. Intense Eye Contact While You Eat

🐾 Pet version: Sweet puppy eyes locked on your sandwich like it’s the last one on Earth.

👤 Human version: Your friend sits silently across the table, wide-eyed, breathing heavy, staring at your burrito without blinking.

CALL THE POLICE.

2. Midnight Zoomies

🐾 Pet version: Rips through the house at 2AM like they’re training for the Pet Olympics.

👤 Human version: Your roommate wakes up and starts full-speed sprinting from kitchen to bathroom yelling “WOO!” every 6 seconds.

This is not normal. Seek help.

3. Bringing “Gifts” You Didn’t Ask For

🐾 Pet version: Drops a dead bug on your bed. Looks proud. Waits for applause.

👤 Human version: Your partner places a dead beetle on your pillow and whispers, “For you.”

That’s not love. That’s a red flag.

4. Sniffing Everyone’s Butt (Or Crotch)

🐾 Pet version: Casual dog greeting. No one bats an eye.

👤 Human version: Your coworker greets new hires by getting real up close and personal.

Instant HR violation.

5. Sleeping in Positions That Make No Sense

🐾 Pet version: Head twisted, leg in the air, halfway hanging off the bed — blissful.

👤 Human version: Your roommate naps upside-down on the couch with one sock on and drooling.

Still weird. Somehow less cute.

6. Screaming Because You Left for 3 Minutes

🐾 Pet version: You went to check the mail. They act like you joined the Navy.

👤 Human version: Your friend sobs and throws themselves at your feet every time you go to the bathroom.

Therapy. Immediately.

7. Sitting on You While You Pee

🐾 Pet version: Bathroom time = bonding time.

👤 Human version: Your significant other sits on your lap while you're on the toilet. Makes eye contact. Doesn’t explain.

This relationship is over.

8. Barking at Nothing (and Then Falling Asleep Instantly)

🐾 Pet version: Loud, unexplained barking followed by immediate nap.

👤 Human version: Roommate yells at the wall and then faceplants on the floor to nap.

Is this a glitch in the matrix?

Pets: 10/10 adorable. Humans acting like pets? Absolute chaos. But hey, we wouldn’t trade our weird little furballs for anything. Let them be weird — that’s why we love them. 🐾❤️